To be honest (TBH), breaking up with someone is even more difficult than getting broken up with. You have to choose a time and a place, when no time and place seem right.
Seriously, where’s the perfect spot to tell them you’re sick of hearing them chew while they eat so you’re done here?
Which is a better place to break up in?
Public: The breakup can’t immediately morph into breakup sex into “ok we’re not breaking up.”
Also, if I don’t know them that well, it’s a lot safer.
Private: If I feel safe with them, I want us both to have the space to cry and feel all the feels.
Fortunately, I can help make the whole process a bit easier by helping you pick out the ideal locale.
Here are 25 of the best places to end a relationship, and some even come with the bonus of suggestions on what to say. I know, I know…you’re welcome.
At a museum, preferably one with dinosaurs. “You know what else is extinct? This relationship.”
At your least favorite restaurant. If you go to your favorite restaurant, you’ll never be able to eat there without picturing them crying into their gyro.
On a roller coaster. It’s SO symbolic of your relationship.
Via Snapchat. They love Snapchat–just ask Ashley, Leah, Emily, and the 14 other girls you found in their phone.
At the circus, since they’re a total clown.
In a haunted house to show him there are things scarier than being alone.
As their train pulls away. It’s not your fault if they can’t read lips.
In the back of an Uber. Drivers are used to passengers throwing up or having sex, so a breakup will be refreshing.
On Thanksgiving. Feed them turkey and mashed potatoes, just like they fed you lies about your future together for two-and-a-half years!
Near another couple breaking up. It’s almost like going on a double date, if the date ended with two people sobbing at Chili’s.
At a concert. Everyone around you will think they’re crying because they just really love Jay-Z.
In a taxi. You can hop out when they start talking about “all the good times.”
At the Apple store. “I need an iPhone 11, and you’re more like an iPhone 4.”
In the ER. Think of how grateful they’ll be that they’re not the guy with his bone sticking out of his arm. #Blessed
At Trader Joe’s. There’s nothing a grown man in a Hawaiian shirt selling organic, off-brand Oreos can’t fix.
At a gas station, when you just can’t wait till Trader Joe’s.
While their mouth is full. There’s no opportunity for them to object.
Hiking up a mountain, to show them if they can climb six miles on an incline, they can get over a nine-year relationship.
On a boat. The best place to tell them you’re seasick of seeing their face.
At a wedding. “Love is in the air…just not the air that we’re breathing.”
On an airplane, for a new take on the mile-high club.
In a foreign country, for the overachiever. Now you can break up with them in two languages.
At the park on a crisp, autumn day. Like the leaves, your love is dead.
Their place. It’s private, you can take your stuff on the way out, and you guys can have sex one last time…until you both get drunk two weeks later and do it again.