As a marriage counselor in Denver, Colorado I see a lot of couples who come to me for marriage counseling because they’re having s exual difficulties. One of the most common reasons why a couples’ s ex life is struggling is because “We have kids. It’s hard to find the time or energy to get in the mood.”
S exual intimacy is vitally important to a marriage. It creates romance, passion and spark. It’s one of the only things you share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else. It’s a special connection that only the two of you can have. When children come around, and you’re not having s ex as frequently as you used to, it’s no wonder couples have marriage problems. They just stop feeling as close or connected.
There are lots of ways having children hampers your s ex life. For one, many couples just don’t have the kind of time to dedicate toward each other that they used to have. Less time for dates and romance usually means less desire for s ex. Second, after a long day of chauffeuring children around, cleaning up after them, making sure they have their homework done, teeth brushed, and they’re off to bed at a decent time, you just don’t feel in the mood for s ex. Finally, as your children grow older — so do you. You just don’t feel as attractive as you used to.
Couples who don’t have a good s ex life rarely have a good marriage. What are some things you can do to keep your s ex life rockin’ after children come knockin? Here are five quick tips:
#1: Make time for the two of you
You have a calendar for your family so you don’t forget all the activities for your children, important birthdays, and other appointments.
When was the last time you saw something on that calendar for you and your spouse? Your relationship is as much a priority as your child’s soccer practice. Put it on your calendar, and don’t move it.
#2: Reassure your spouse of your affection for her
Your body changes as you age. As a result, your spouse may not feel as attractive as she did before kids. When your spouse doesn’t feel s exy, he doesn’t feel as excited for s ex.
Reassuring your spouse of your affection for him helps him to feel loved, cared for, and attractive.
#3: Redefine foreplay
With children around, you don’t have as much private time in the bedroom. Don’t waste the private time you do have on foreplay. Foreplay doesn’t have to be physical.
Sending each other s exy text messages throughout the day, naughty notes in each other’s lunch boxes, and erotic emails are just as effective as physical foreplay.
#4: Get creative
With children around, s ex can’t be as spontaneous as it used to be. There’s a greater risk of being interrupted. Instead of waiting until all the conditions are right (which might take a long time), get creative about where and when to do it.
S ex can still be connecting and romantic at creative times and places.
#5: Too tired is not a good reason
After the kids are finally in bed, you’re so exhausted that the last thing on your mind is s ex. When your spouse makes an advance, you end up having a whole conversation about why you’re not in the mood and how upset you are that he would even think about s ex after the kind of day you just had.
Just think, you probably could have had s ex and skipped the fight you just had. Besides, there are few things that help you sleep better than snuggling up with your spouse after a connecting night of s ex.
All couples’ lives change after having kids. But, the quality of your s ex life doesn’t have to. These are just five quick tips on how you can keep your s ex life rockin’ after children come knockin’.
There are many more ways you can create intimacy, spark and passion in and out of the bedroom so you can still have a rockin’ s ex life.
Remember, intimacy is a vital part of your marriage. S ex with your spouse is the only thing you share with them that you don’t share with others. It’s a perfect way to create intimacy, romance and spark in your marriage. Don’t neglect yourself or your spouse by neglecting your s ex life.